Letter 96: Drawing Connections
When we reflect on the last year
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Happy Two Years of The Learning Curve!
With a blink of an eye in early May, the second anniversary of our Substack newsletter arrived! Emily and I have been so honored to share the many contributing writers with you week after week. We are grateful for your continued, loyal readership and the way you share the women’s stories with other people who may find themselves in the words. As Emily and I reflected on the past year, we chose to excerpt a few selections from this year’s writers for this week’s letter as a testament to the beautiful strength and courage they had in sharing their stories. Again, thank you, thank you for your support and here’s to Year Three! —Molly
“There is no single, simple, static ‘women’s point of view.’”
—Margaret Atwood
“However, if puzzling has taught me a lesson, it’s that sometimes you need to step back and take a good, long look at the big picture. Everything you need is already right in front of you, so there’s no reason to worry that you’re not equipped for the challenge. Embracing the uncertainty and letting events unfold is part of the magic of puzzling, and of life. If you try to control every situation, you’ll go crazy.” —Sydney, Letter 52
“I realized that my life was never about other people's approval, it was about my approval of myself.” —Ionna, Letter 54
“So what does it means when our trauma is organized around half-truths? Who do we become when our life narrative is full of holes and broken theories? What is lost when leaving is easier than staying? I grapple with these weighted questions daily.
The only answer I have come near is acceptance. I must accept that my mother’s best was not enough; that the very large decision I made to leave felt like the only option; and that I was in the crossfires of other people’s pain, but rarely the intentional target, despite how it often feels.” —Suzy, Letter 60
“Something I’ve experienced over and over again is that the places and people we have been conditioned to fear are really not to be feared at all. While customs and cultures might be different, people want the same things in their lives and for the most part will go out of their way for you if you are respectful, kind, and curious. My everyday experiences could not be any more different from the imam in Turkey to the young man in the subway in Tokyo to the shaman in Peru, but I believe in the end we are all very much alike at the core of our being.” —Nadine, Letter 64
“I use the word fat because when I no longer villainize the word fat, I begin to no longer villainize fatness itself.
When I stopped villainizing my own body, I stopped villainizing and critiquing the bodies around me. I am a better friend to myself and others because I am no longer constantly comparing myself. Instead, I can listen to a person and not think at all about the body they have. We are so much more than our bodies, and I am working on placing even less moral value on my body; but, until then, embracing the word fat is a comfortable and progressive place to be for me. Even if you are not a fat person, using neutral descriptors for yourself can be freeing. Our bodies are not a moral indicator. Our bodies are just our bodies. They are vessels to carry us through life and hopefully thrive.” —Ryan, Letter 76
“Making connections, integrating history, and relating to the places and times—it’s all important. We must remember the very real facts and stories of these difficult times and connect them to the present and to ways of stopping the spread of hatred.” —Tricia, Letter 81
“As for my career aspirations, having a family has shifted my priorities. I may not be able to work overtime or travel as much as I did before becoming a mother. However, I don't believe that my ambitions are diminished. I am open to exploring different career paths or negotiating different working arrangements that can accommodate my family responsibilities.” —Madison, Letter 85
“I think our ability to endure comes in many forms throughout our lives. In some cases, it’s loud and extreme. Like how women must endure the fear of being in unsafe environments at any moment, even while exercising or running errands. In other cases, it's daily and seemingly quieter. Like how many of us endure the shame of not loving our bodies because of societal beauty standards. Or how some of us suffer through a miscarriage and feel scared to share how traumatic the experience is. Or how some of us hide our hardships, grief, and sufferings because we don’t want to be a burden to others or reveal the imperfect parts of our lives.
There are countless examples that are woven into our daily lives, big and small, that dictate how we exist in this world, how we show up, and how authentically we can be to ourselves and to others.” —Sam, Letter 89
“‘I belong here and I earned my place. My work is worthy.’
With time, experience, and perspective, moments of self-doubt and illegitimacy become fewer and less intrusive. I’d love to say that these go away, but I think they are a part of doing anything vulnerable and that they, in fact, can be part of the growing process as a creative.
Take inventory of the people at your table. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don’t champion you, cheer you on, and want you to win.” —Bess, Letter 90
“If we are paying attention to our lives, to our truest emotions and needs, we will eventually recognize all the ways we are compensating for areas of imbalance and weakness…There are no shortcuts, and it’s not solely my motivation that makes it happen, thankfully. My faith allows me to trust and rest in the fact that Divine Love orchestrates my life and transforms my heart. We have an untold number of tools and stories that lead us to believe we are in control of our lives, and that if only we work smarter and harder we can master our days…It’s a common story that we spend our young adult lives Doing, perhaps ignoring certain muscle weaknesses along the way, just trying to get by. Eventually Doing wears us out, and we have to wake up to the call toward Being.” —Jess, Letter 92
“What I’m trying to say is—week after week, there are rituals in my life that remind me life is not linear. I am not climbing a ladder to the top, I am not on a rocket ship to Mars, and I am not graduating through the phases of life. With each passing year, I do not get prettier, smarter, funnier, more successful, richer, happier, better.” —Sarah, Letter 94
“We are so quick to follow up any critique of motherhood with some form of the sentiment, “But it’s so worth it!” How much more powerfully authentic would we be if we just let what is hard, be hard? As Erin Loechner puts it: “Authenticity, I think, is simply trying to find the kindest way to tell the whole truth.” Motherhood is hard. Motherhood is wonderful. Both things are true, and both can coexist in the same breath.” —Emily, Letter 95
In gratitude,
Molly + Emily
P.S. Do you have a favorite letter from this last year? Share it below in the comments!
Loved this! Powerful