Letter 85: Choosing to Pivot
When we change our situation ~ Women's Work Series #2 , Madison Kiernan Paine
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Happy Wednesday and welcome to the second week of our Women’s Work series!
Here’s a bit of background on the series from my intro to our first letter of the series from last week:
Molly and I asked several women to share their insights about their impressions and experiences with work for our third TLC series!
The derogatory term “Women’s Work” describes work that is typically relegated to women, including housework and childrearing, but teaching and nursing are also often included within the phrase. When Molly and I were crafting this series, I thought about how important it was to flip some of the societal expectations of women who work inside and outside our homes on its head. Why is “women’s work” degraded? Because it is deemed unimportant. But nothing is further from the truth. As women, it is incredibly important for us to reinforce the idea that what we do matters. Our work matters to our families, to our communities, and—most of all—it matters to us.
Today we will hear from someone who is incredibly dear to me. Madison Kiernan Paine is not only one of my best friends, but she is also my sister-in-law! I knew she would be a perfect fit for contributing to our work series because she is such a badass. Her career has been formed in the tech industry, so she’s seen the highest highs and experienced the lowest lows. She is also a mother to the cutest toddler in the world (my nephew) and has learned to navigate the difficulties of, as Emily Fleming wrote last week, “extricating the Self from Work.”
Madison has been one of the greatest influences in my life. She is so kind and driven, and she is truly an innovative thinker. I love that she is always rethinking the ways in which we accomplish our goals—she isn’t afraid to say, “What if we do it this way?” and offer a suggestion that is both out-of-the-box and much more streamlined. What a gift! Take it away, Madison! —Emily
Click play to hear Madison read today’s letter.
“If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”
What messages were you sent as a young woman that work/career/job equates with success/happiness/fulfillment?
The main message I received was to pivot based on what best fits your life at that moment. My mom worked and was a stay-at-home mom. She had a job while I was born, quit when she realized she was pocketing just $20 after daycare, gas, and other work-related expenses, went back to school when my brother and I reached school age, rejoined the workforce, and went on to have a very successful career in software development. Nothing is permanent, and you can always change your situation based on what your current needs are.
Knowing that you can always change your situation has shown up in a few ways for me. In January 2017, I decided I wanted to move up within the company where I was working at the time from a part-time individual contributor to a full-time people leadership role, which was a big jump. Through a year-long process of applying for the role (and being repeatedly rejected), seeking and implementing feedback, building my skill sets, and developing a strong point of view for the position, I finally landed the job that launched my career in March 2018, over a year later.
Sometimes you work to change your circumstances over time, and sometimes it is fast. Last year, I accepted what I thought was my dream job, building out training and development programs for a luxury retailer. After three weeks of working with a manager who micromanaged, name-called, and belittled me, my mental health plunged, and I knew I couldn’t stay in that role. I took a leap of faith and quit without having another job lined up. While risky, putting myself first was the best decision I could have made.
The choice to pivot paid off; it led to me finding a role at my current company that, while not perfect, has a much more progressive view on work-life balance, mental well-being, and inclusive culture. For example, the first time my son was home sick and on a call with me, my manager spent the first five minutes chatting with him and putting on different Zoom filters to try and make him laugh. I feel as though I am allowed to exist outside of work and that it is okay when my personal life and professional life collide. The two no longer exist in silos, and it is unreasonable for companies to expect you to operate as if they do.
In what ways do you believe work and gender are connected? Can you share examples from your life to illustrate this correlation?
Belief doesn’t factor into it; it’s a fact that women are still paid approximately 82 cents on the dollar for doing the same job as their male counterparts. The gender inequality gap is narrowing, but if we continue at the current pace, it will take until 2059 before women earn equal pay for equal work.
I once interviewed for a company that boasted that they paid over 90 cents on the dollar. It blew my mind that someone could brag about that. I kindly pointed out how that still was not equal and was met with the response, “Well, it is better than most!”
The “better-than-most” mentality shows up in equity conversations all the time. Parental leave is often boasted as “a great leave policy…for America,” when research definitively shows that a year of parental leave (or six months per parent) is the most beneficial for the child. I see many companies patting themselves on the back for offering more than their competitors while missing the fact that the mother and child often still lack the support they need.
How has our culture shifted in terms of the connection between work and identity?
According to Layoffs.fyi, 1,024 tech companies laid off 154,336 people in 2022, and just a few months into 2023, over 122,341 people have already lost their jobs. During the pandemic, the job market experienced the "great reshuffle." Workers were shifting away from putting their employers first because, at the time, it could mean putting their own physical and emotional health at risk for the sake of the employer. Employers don’t guarantee employee-centric working conditions or loyalty, so it is more advantageous for the talent market to act in their own self-interest. This is causing many to rethink the structure that we’ve bought into for so long, and that means work and personal identity are beginning to diverge.
I am seeing a shift where people now identify with the series of values and attributes they receive from working at a certain role or company, rather than the company itself. Employees are demanding to be viewed as the holistic person they are, including the hobbies, interests, aspirations, families, and culture that make up their identity, by choosing to work at organizations that support their outside endeavors.
In my relationship with my partner Rob, we constantly remind ourselves of our values and goals. Family time and prioritizing our mental health are non-negotiables. Reaching financial independence and planning for early retirement is a high priority for us.
Are your views on work/career impacted or connected to your age?
As a mother with a toddler and a high-visibility job, it can be challenging to balance work and family responsibilities. At my life stage, I have specific expectations of my employer and manager. My working hours of 8:00 to 4:30 are strict, and I won't apologize for my family’s needs coming first.
As for my career aspirations, having a family has shifted my priorities. I may not be able to work overtime or travel as much as I did before becoming a mother. However, I don't believe that my ambitions are diminished. I am open to exploring different career paths or negotiating different working arrangements that can accommodate my family responsibilities.
Overall, my views on work and career are influenced by my life stage. I believe that it's essential to advocate for myself and my family to ensure that my employer and manager understand my needs and provide the support necessary for me to thrive in both my personal and professional life.
What are your thoughts on anti-hustle culture?
At its best, hustle culture inspires and motivates someone to do whatever it takes to beat the odds and achieve their goals. At its worst, it is the glorification of an unhealthy obsession with work. Conversely, anti-hustle culture can feel supportive to someone who isn’t motivated by productivity, output, and the like, or can be rooted in apathy and indifference. Both can show up as toxic or positive, depending on the person experiencing that culture. In my opinion, it is best to live somewhere in the middle. Whichever mentality you subscribe to, it is important to recognize what level of life-work balance works for you and make the necessary changes.
What are your hopes for yourself in terms of your job or career?
Implementing human resource programs that benefit under-supported and underrepresented populations is critical to enacting positive change in organizations and society as a whole. As an HR professional, my hope is to lead and advocate for these programs to ensure that all employees feel valued, supported, and included in the workplace.
I believe that creating a culture of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) is essential for organizations to succeed in the long term. This means implementing programs that address systemic barriers that prevent under-supported and underrepresented groups from advancing in their careers. It also means fostering a sense of belonging among employees by creating safe spaces for open dialogue and promoting cultural awareness and understanding.
In terms of my own job or career, I hope to make a meaningful difference in the communities I am involved in and to be a catalyst for positive change in the organizations and communities where I work.
With gratitude,
Madison Kiernan Paine
P.S. Changing Directions and Bringing a Free Spirit Mentality into Work, Relationships, and Life
