Letter 88: Staying in the Tension
When we are on our journey ~ Women's Work Series, #5, Molly Coyne
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Welcome to our final installment in our Women’s Work Series!
You can read more about the why behind this series in Emily’s introduction in the first letter of the series. As she put it well, “As women, it is incredibly important for us to reinforce the idea that what we do matters. Our work matters to our families, to our communities, and—most of all—it matters to us.”
I’m thrilled to round out the incredible writers in the series to share my recent journey with work, self, and identity. I used Atul Gawande’s words as a guide: “Better is possible. It does not take genius. It takes diligence. It takes moral clarity. It takes ingenuity. And above all, it take a willingness to try.” —Molly
Click play to hear Molly read her letter.
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”
Howard Thurman
Have you heard of the “I am” app? My sister, Jill, shared it with me and it’s incredible. You can choose the type of affirmations you are seeking, how often you want to receive them, and they just…appear. And because I believe there are no coincidences, I find that they appear exactly when they are supposed to and say the very thing you need to hear. A small boost to carry you through the moment, or day, if you will.
When I approached Emily at the end of 2022 about doing a series on work, unpacking one’s identity in relation to work, it was in some part self-serving and in other parts something that is very much intertwined in my current conversations. My gut told me that our readers might relate to many of my same questions (the ones we used in the last few letters you’ve read here).
It’s an interesting time to be alive. (Well, isn’t it always?) But now, as we move through continually shifting plates of uncertainty, hopefulness, curiosity, and hazy horizons, we don’t quite know what’s around the next corner. I’ve written here about moving out of my comfort zone and (perfectly enough) my affirmation today read, “Stepping outside my comfort zone is necessary for growth.” I am eager to preach about moving out of my comfort zone, as my former students can attest, but as we all know, it’s much easier said than done. But moving out of my comfort zone is very much happening.
I left teaching in 2017 because of our family’s move, and it’s been an exploration working through who I am outside of the classroom and as a person without teaching. Without the career that I had told myself I would do for the rest of my life. The rest of my life.
My grandfather was a pea geneticist his entire life. My grandmother worked in the history department of a university for her entire life. My mom was in education her entire life. I imagine you might make a similar list of the earlier generations of your family where people stayed in the same job/industry for their entire career. That is no longer the norm, and I do think we are better for it.
What I found when I left the classroom surprised me. I realized I could thrive and enjoy an entirely new industry. In 2019 when I accepted a job in business, I realized I enjoyed the new challenges and practicing completely new skills not present in my past work in publishing and education. However, about halfway through this next job, I started to get the passion and purpose itch. I didn’t have to worry about this in teaching, because that bucket filled daily. This intentional focus on purpose also coincided with my forced acceptance that my work situation was incredibly toxic and unhealthy for me in myriad ways. I knew a change was imperative.
I recognize this concern over passion and purpose is a deep luxury. My husband and I have two incomes, we live in a place with a low cost of living (although we live far from our family and many friends), and our boys attend good public schools. I understand from my place of privilege that my work is to pay our bills and save for the future, but I also have the luxury to unpack how my work could also contribute to something bigger and still fill my passion bucket. I fully recognize that this is not the way for everyone. I know that my time here on earth is to be a good partner, raise kind boys who help others, and be a steady friend. But I am also here to help those on the margins. My passion and purpose in my world needs to be connected to affecting positive change for women, children, and people on the margins. I’ve known this for decades.
I spent the majority of 5-6 months this past fall and winter focusing on what was next for me–what job I could find that would challenge me, provide for my family, and still serve my need to affect positive change for others, while still following my passion. I talked to many people about their work, why they liked what they did, and what they wished for themselves. I asked my friends the set of questions about me:
What are Molly’s exceptional abilities?
What are Molly’s gifts?
Have you ever done this? Everyone should. It made me feel special, valuable, and important. I encourage everyone–no matter where they are in their journey to try this exercise. I kept what my friends wrote about me and I still look at their words, when I need some confidence and encouragement, or I wonder if I am on the right path.
The winding road did take me to a new job. I am about six weeks in and I can honestly say that I look forward to the work each day. It’s incredibly challenging and I feel like a little tiny sponge trying to hang on to an open fire hydrant; but, it’s fulfilling work that fills my passion of helping affect change. I never in a million years imagined I would work in the finance industry but I did find work that truly does affect a greater population of people.
Here’s where my journey took me:
Through many tears.
A patient husband, sweet sisters, and kind friends who listened to me worry out loud that I would find the right thing.
I studied my Human Design and realized that as a Generator, when I follow my instincts and do things that make me happy, I create good energy, which in turn supports my passion, purpose, and living.
I was a guest on a new friend’s podcast about finding our purpose.
I meditated and journaled every day and I found an incredible breathing and meditation app; I realized that learning to breathe through my worries and anxiety actually does make a difference in my thoughts and it can clear my mind faster than anything else.
I worked out my angst on the tennis court.
I struggled through my autoimmune flaring back up with stress for a year and a half.
I stumbled upon this great article, read it repeatedly and kept wondering if I should just find a simple job that served no purpose other than bringing home a paycheck.
I worried: Is my job supposed to be that connected to my purpose and passions?
I say all of this to show that it wasn’t easy to find the next part of my journey.
I did a lot of work on myself. It was harder than hell.
And still, I know the future will continue to hold uncertainty and stress. But refusing to give in when it gets difficult and staying in the tension was key. Trusting the process and believing that the right next thing would unfold for me helped. I’m also aware that this transition into a new job also involves extra healing and focused practice on recovering from the previous, difficult work situation. Because we all move through the hard times and we do come out better for it. All the cliches ring true (ha).
And now that I’m through this hurdle, I am so incredibly excited for what’s next.
If any of my journey sounds familiar to you, I would love to hear from you. I would love to know what I can do to help or what has helped you in your own journey through work, the idea of work, and how they are interconnected to your identity. We are stronger when we are together, so let me help you if you need it. I wouldn’t have gotten through my experience if not for the community around me.
Here’s to the people who lift us up, day after day. We are better for it.
In gratitude,
Molly Coyne
P.S. Our other tremendous letters in our work series: Emily F, Madison, Emily, & Lainey
