Letter 41: Embracing Change
When we learn the importance of revision
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It’s spring, everyone! Three cheers for fresh seasons.
Today’s letter is about a subject near and dear to my (Molly’s) heart: my sisters. March is a big birthday celebration month for our family, and this year has me thinking about traditions, celebrations, and honoring the relationships that steady (and rock) us along the way. Perhaps some of what I share here may resonate with your own learnings about family, growth, and change. —Molly
This week I’m escaping to a warmer locale with my three sisters to celebrate my 40th birthday, two years behind schedule. Like many of you, celebrations and trips long overdue—insert pandemic pause—are coming to fruition. While we know the pandemic is not yet finished, lately I’ve been experiencing signs of routine life returning: friends’ trips abroad, my husband’s returning to his office on a hybrid schedule, and my boys’ school potentially bringing back field trips.
I am the youngest of four women, and this week’s trip is a tradition for us. And it certainly feels heavenly to bring traditions back. They’re one of those parts of life that are so easy to take for granted.
Past decade sister-birthday trips involved wine in Napa Valley, red rocks in Utah, and the beaches of Mexico, all in honor of toasting another decade passed. And while there’s plenty to celebrate as we make it to a big birthday, there can also be a lot to come to terms with in regard to growth and change.
Our culture glorifies sisters. We see movies, t-shirts, and coffee mugs extolling the magical bond between women. Those items make sisterhood look so tidy, wrapped in an often-pink package with serif fonts. Advertising storytellers make sisterhood look simple, easy. And while parts of my relationships with my sisters are pink, pretty, and shiny, it’s not for a lack of work. I often tell my children (all boys!), “There are no shortcuts in life,” and my relationships with my sisters are a perfect example of this.
My long road happens to be alongside three women who share my genetic code and propensity for loud laughter, cracking inappropriate jokes, and seeing all the insides and outsides of one another.
Being one of four women is hard. It’s also the greatest joy I’ve ever known. It’s much like parenting in that way. How can something so difficult and heartbreaking (at times) also be the biggest gift I’ve been given?
It may have something to do with my being the youngest of four women, but I’ve worked hard to not only find my voice in our family but also speak my truth. I want their approval, but I need my own path. I want their love without terms, but I find myself critiquing their choices just the same. I want to be my own person, but I will always want to be a part of our foursome.
Earlier this week I was listening to a favorite podcast episode with two women I admire and Kelly Corrigan read Kate Baer’s (another favorite!) poem, “Advice for Former Selves.” My breath caught on a line in the poem, “Revision is necessary,” and it made me really stop and think. Perhaps because I’ve been preparing for my sister trip and they are on my mind, this line made me immediately consider my relationships with them.
Because here’s the thing:
When I buckle into my relationships with the women in my life, with my sisters specifically, revision is necessary. We change—and we must—and we become completely different humans, be it through love, loss, childbirth, divorce, and beyond.
Revision is necessary.
And when we revise, we accept what we were before the revision and we admire what we become. As any writer knows, revision is often the hardest part of the process. Through my own revisions in life, my sisters remained steady. They haven’t always agreed with my choices and changes and we’ve gone through periods of disagreement and silence; but in the end, they’ll always be my biggest fans and they’ve come to love the new work that is me on the other side of the change.
So while this week is a time for coming back together, laughing, and being silly, it’s also a time to celebrate that we are no longer the women we were in our teens, twenties, or even last year. Thank goodness. It’s a time to slow down, remove expectations, and honor the women we’ve become—issues and all.
Molly’s Five Favorites for this Trip
I wasn’t necessarily looking for a dress for this trip, but I tried this one on and the fabric is beautiful and it has pockets!
Podcasts and audiobooks always help with long travel days. Recently, I’ve been engrossed in The Education of An Idealist and How to Raise an Adult; I have Atlas of the Heart up next. Great writing by strong women!
My best friend’s superpower is picking out the right makeup for me and she sent me this as an early birthday gift to take on my trip. I can’t wait to try all of them out.
I’ve written about Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Cassandra Speaks, before; it’s absolutely excellent! I get to read it a second time since my book club is reading it this month so it’s coming with me.
I tried packing cubes last year and they completely simplified traveling for me. When I travel with my boys, they each have their own color and it’s made traveling with littles much easier.
With gratitude,
Molly
P.S. What lesson have you learned from your own sister(s)? Or, if you don’t have sisters, what message do you think our culture sends about sisterhood?
My sister is my person! As a girl I grew up wanting to wear her clothes, listen to her music, and sleep in her room. As a young woman I think about her every day, daydream about moving in with her, and talk about her to anyone who will listen. She has taught me almost everything I know, but the most important lesson is that I do not have to be perfect, I need only to strive to be good. She brings me great comfort through this lesson. She is the greatest gift I have been given.
With no sisters of my own, I have long admired (and been slightly unnerved by) the sameness AND diversity that exists among the four of you. And even though those differences may be strong at times, I LOVE how the sister bond is stronger. Hugs to all four of you. ❤️