Letter 122: In Reflection

When we celebrate the passage of time

Three Years of The Learning Curve!

It’s just incredible. This beautiful community has come together for three years to pause, listen in, and learn. When I started this Substack in 2021, I hoped to plant a small seed; I had no idea how it might grow. And now, three years later, with over 500 subscribers of all ages across the country, I’m in awe of the continued power of storytelling.

Three years ago, I contacted Emily to see if she might want to help with TLC. It was a joy to co-edit the newsletter with her for over two years; and when she decided to return to the classroom last fall and step back from TLC, I was thrilled for her. And then, in a pleasant surprise this spring, I was overjoyed when my dear friend Anita and I were talking about the newsletter, and she asked if I’d be interested in having a “55-year-old intern.” I laughed and enthusiastically told her that was an excellent idea. It’s a delight to have her on board!

So here we are: Setting off on Year Three! And this week, like we did last year, we commemorate the year behind us with words of wisdom from our TLC writers. Cheers to each of you and thank you dearly for the support and continued readership!—Molly

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“I’m so glad you’re here—it makes me realize how beautiful the world is.”

—Rainier Maria Rilke

“Engaging in open and honest conversations with people who view life differently than we do can do wonders for broadening our view of the world. Perhaps we can move forward a little when we let go of the need to be right and focus more on meeting the need to be heard.” —Emily, Letter 105

“I love my software engineering job, truly, but it can’t shield me from persistent, existential thoughts such as do I have useful skills and will this technology I’m working on even matter in five years and, most poignantly, can I be replaced?” —Mallory, Letter 106

“A storm is brewing, ladies. Change is coming.” —Beth

“Perhaps the media hype around ‘girl power summer’ is performative, a casual nod from those who want to harness economic strength and nothing more. However, the women involved in these phenomenal summer moments are like the women around me and around the world; their voices are important. When they speak passionately, their power will not be dimmed. They’re here to make real change for all women, for the world. A storm is brewing. Change is coming.” —Beth, Letter 107

An incredible Tennessee sky courtesy of a dear friend.

“In my experience, to travel is to live a new life, a life outside of my bubble, one that simultaneously shatters my self-centered nature, showing me that the world is so much bigger than I am, and reminds me how privileged I am to have my bubble.” —Sarah, Letter 108

“Always looking busy, or trying to be productive, or adding value was perhaps my way of being seen as the perfect employee or daughter when I should have been asking for help, or setting boundaries and saying no to projects I couldn’t do nor had the time for. This surely would have allowed me to avoid the crash and burn scenario.”   —Nadine, Letter 109

“One of the tragedies of my life has been the compartmentalizing of myself.” —Gretchen

“I’ve learned in my work with high schoolers that while, yes, they (we) are young and green and naive at 17, we also are ourselves. The seed of who we are has already been planted, and at 17 we are but a sapling of who we will grow to be: our systems are in place and our soil has nourished our initial growth.” —Emily, Letter 110

Courtesy of Liz Fosslein

“One of the tragedies of my life has been the compartmentalizing of myself. I kept separate all the true parts of myself in the false hope of protecting myself from hurt. I am working to release all the pieces of my identity from that silence. I am new, but it's not as though I have started over from scratch. I’m not a newborn baby, even if I feel like I’m relearning how to walk sometimes. Instead, it feels like I am synthesizing all those pieces into the truest version of myself.”  —Gretchen, Letter 112

“In many ways, I grew up with a destructive model of womanhood. I spent much of my life trying to grapple with what it meant for me to be a woman, to find my voice, to heal from the physical and emotional abuse that bludgeoned my childhood with propaganda of shame, guilt, and deceit. While that work alienated me from my own mother, I didn’t do it to repair our relationship. I did it to heal and to offer a different experience to my daughter.” —Ammi, Letter 113

The incomparable Krist Tippett from On Being

“However,  I believe apprehension and excitement can coexist. Regulation and opportunity can share the stage. If fear of what could happen with AI stops us from learning about it, exploring it, using it, well, that sounds like more of a risk to me.”  —Isabella, Letter 114

“When we are in moments of disagreement or conflict, my chest rustles and I feel an immediate impulse to flee, both physically and emotionally. I want to seek refuge in the safe corners of my mind; but, despite the profound discomfort, I now choose to stay. I press my hand to my heart and gently whisper, ‘You are safe. You are not too much. You can be here now.’ It’s in the staying that I recommit to our connection and become allies with my wish to be fully seen.”  —Suzy, Letter 115

“The freedom to live life outside of the pressure to conform has led to so many opportunities and experiences that I never could have imagined for myself. I found out that I love to travel. I learned the importance of befriending and expressing my emotions. I realized I needed a mindset shift when it came to moving my body in healthy, enjoyable ways. Things that would have never come to fruition if it wasn’t for the ‘failure’ I experienced just a few years ago.” —Nicole, Letter 116

You are safe. You are not too much. You can be here now. —Suzy

“It took time and serious introspection to regain my sense of professional identity. In retrospect, I see that I spent those years in my own chrysalis. Though we often consider cocoons dormant places of rest, the caterpillar is hard at work during her transition. And so was I. I was doing the kind of work I guide many of my coaching clients through—clarifying my values, reframing unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, and gaining confidence in my priorities.” —Jessica, Letter 117

“We have lived through so much together, enabling us to rise to the great challenge of sisterhood: to meet each other exactly where we are and gently, but steadfastly, push each other to become the best versions of ourselves.” —Shannon, Letter 118

“That is the rhythm of life. We go through the ups and downs, losses and victories, and we're there for each other. Sometimes, it's a whole season of struggle, and sometimes, it's just a quick stumble. But here's the real deal: True happiness in this life means being both gardener and the rose…If you’re in a season of waiting or struggle, it won’t last forever. Lean on the people around you, let them care for you. Think of the strength you borrow as a loan you’ll repay when the tide shifts.” —Kristi, Letter 119

“I literally didn’t know how to stop. Our society, our culture, doesn’t want us to. We can’t be seen as ‘lazy.’ If we’re not constantly producing, we aren’t contributing. We aren’t worthy. We aren’t enough.” —Alyson, Letter 121

In gratitude,

Molly

P.S. Get ready for Book Girl Summer, Vol. 4! (Here's last year’s list!) Offer your suggested inclusions in the comments below!