Letter 72: Refusing to Stay Still
Letter 72: Refusing to Stay Still
When we ask what's next
Welcome to The Learning Curve, a weekly newsletter to share our understandings, joys, and learnings through personal narratives. Our writers span many generations, cultures, identities, and ethnicities.
We’d like to welcome our recent new subscribers! If you haven’t subscribed yet, please join us!
It’s the last Wednesday of October already!
I’m fortunate to have today’s repeat writer, Kristi, in my life daily. Not only is she a dear friend, a constant sounding board, the mom to some of my boys’ own friends, but she’s my tennis partner. And when you play competitive tennis with someone, day in and day out, you really learn their inner psyche, their heart and motivations and how they respond under pressure. Kristi is one of the most heartfelt, vulnerable, honest people I know and she makes those around her better for it. Both on the court and off, Kristi pushes me to think beyond normal and expected outcomes. What a gift it is to have someone always in your corner, always supporting your hopes and dreams, and always believing more is possible. Who is the Kristi in your life? Who is the person who encourages you along your journey? Perhaps you can share today’s letter with her and tell her how much she means to you. —Molly
Click play to hear Kristi read her letter.
“Setting out is always a leap of faith, a risk in the deepest sense of the term, and yet an adventure too. The familiar and the habitual are so falsely reassuring, and most of us make our homes there permanently. The new is always by definition unfamiliar and untested, so God, life, destiny, suffering have to give us a push--usually a big one--or we will not go.”
Richard Rohr
When you’re young you dream about the future – who you will marry, what you will do, what your life will look like. I dreamed wild dreams when I was a child – first latching onto the idea of being a marine biologist, and then in my late teens I envisioned myself living in a hut in an African village, surrounded by children with big, beautiful smiles, living simply, but happily.
Today I type from my suburban house outside of Memphis, with my very typical, very non-African life. I married a great guy, an army veteran with an iron will but a surprisingly soft heart, and we have 3 beautiful children. By all accounts, I am living the American Dream.
Why then, do the thoughts of what could have been, or what may never be, haunt me? Like every stay-at-home mom, I knew that my work as a mom was important and honorable, but what I knew could never mask what I felt – a nagging sense that I was made to do more. During the days “in the trenches” as I like to call it – the days of diapers and missed naps, dirty hair and a subtle, underlying marriage tension over who was more tired or did more work – I would tell myself that it was just a season. Now, as I am walking out of that season and into a time in life where my kids are independent and I am beginning to see myself clearly for the first time in a long time, I am continually asking myself what’s next?
I know I am not alone in this. I cannot tell you how many women I have spoken to in the last few months that are searching for something that they can’t put a name to. As our children grow and change we forget that we do too, and as they grow we get little pieces of ourselves back, and we try to piece together who we are now after years of simply staying afloat.
Where is the road map for moms who want a meaningful career after years of raising children? How do you even begin to find the intersection of your deepest desires and the world’s greatest needs? It’s precisely because of this—this overwhelmingly large question -- that so many of us simply don’t.
We just stay still.
We stay caught in the lie that our talents, our passions and dreams, are meaningless because there are so many other people out there doing it, and probably doing it better. Taking that step means there’s a pretty big chance you’ll fail, and in a world run by social media, everyone will know. So we take a job that gives us a little spending money, maybe we continue to spend our days at home, maybe we go back to a job just for the money. There is nothing wrong with any of those things, but none of them satisfy the nagging voice in your head that reminds you of the bigger dreams you once had—the voice that whispers “there’s more to life” as you fall asleep at night.
I’m not sure where the end of the road is, but I do know the next step has to be out of my comfort zone. I also know that my experience as a mother, wife, and friend have made me wildly capable of overcoming whatever life throws at me.
That is my encouragement to you today. Every day you have lived in service to another person, whether that’s a partner, a child, a parent, friend, has equipped you more than you know. If there is a tiny burning desire inside of you, it’s there for a reason. The world needs what you have. Do not stay still, and do not let fear paralyze you. We have one wild and precious life to live, so let’s move while we still can.
Kristi’s Five Favorite Audiobooks to Inspire Action
All action begins with self-awareness. If we move before we know ourselves, we tend to move in the wrong direction. Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown is one of those books that shines a light on so many things that are in your heart but you don’t have a name for yet. The goal here is emotional literacy - how do we define and talk about our emotions so that we can better understand ourselves and each other.
If you know me, you know I love The Enneagram. I find that it is the most accurate and helpful tool for not only self-awareness, but direction on how to grow into the person you were made to be. Ian Cron’s The Story of You is an easy read or listen, and is sure to resonate with you.
Bob Goff’s Undistracted is an encouragement to rid your life of all the stuff that doesn’t matter and that’s keeping you from fulfilling your God-given purpose in this life. Bob Goff, as usual, is funny and articulate, and his words will inspire you to clear the clutter in your life and get a clear vision of who you want to be. Honestly you can pick up any Bob Goff book and your life will never be the same.
On a slightly more practical note, Atomic Habits by James Clear provides actionable advice on how to build the habits you actually want to have. In my opinion, there is no other book out there that is more useful in your everyday life.
Lastly I have read and re-read Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward, and it never ever disappoints. This book is about the wisdom gained in the second half of life, and how to get unstuck from the person we were to become the person we are. It is jam-packed with wisdom and deep insights and is one of those books where I want to remember every single word.
In gratitude,
Kristi Rice
P.S. Kristi shares about being curious, Devin reminds us to choose ourselves and when Emily focuses on rest.
