Letter 75: Putting the "Potent" Back in Your Potential
When we realize we have a life worth living
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Happy Wednesday!
I am thrilled to introduce Sara Blakeney as the author of this week’s letter. I had the good fortune of meeting Sara through a mutual acquaintance a little over a year ago. Sara exudes warmth, kindness, and wisdom, as I’m sure you will be able to infer from her letter. I especially love hearing her speak about Millenials, as she provides so much insight into our generation’s unique struggles. I’m honored to share part of her journey toward a rich, fulfilled life with you today. —Emily
Click play to hear Sara read today’s letter.
“It isn't where you came from; it's where you're going that counts.”
― Ella Fitzgerald
One of the most rewarding aspects of being a marriage and family therapist is getting to see people grow and change right before my eyes. In fact, one of our stated goals at my counseling practice is to help people build “a life worth living.” Yet many clients don’t know how to do this. They long to reach their potential but are unsure how to attain it or what that even means.
I believe all of us at one time or another struggle to understand our place in the world, no matter our age and stage of life. We all want to reach our potential, to close the gap between who we are and who we want to be.
I found myself in just such a struggle a few years ago. My husband and I moved to a new city for his work and all of a sudden, in one fell swoop, I was without family, friends, career, or community. The things that had defined me were poof! gone, and I felt like an empty shell. I confess that at this point my self-worth took a little bit of a nose dive, and I began playing those negative tapes we love to play: “Is this empty shell all you have to show for your life? What’s your purpose, and will you ever reach your potential?”
I knew I had to get myself out of this death spiral of negative talk, so I confided in a counselor-friend of mine who came back to me with a game-changing response. “Do you know what the root word of ‘potential’ is?” he asked. “It’s potent. You don’t have to do anything; the truth is, you are potent right now, just being you.” I had to admit, that was a wonderfully radical thought.
Potent. It means powerful. Significant. Effective. If what he said was true, then I had been looking for my potential in all the wrong places. All this time I had been relying on externals like my job, friends, or family to define me and give me significance. But if I’m already potent then instead I needed to look inside myself and draw out the truth and power latent within me. So, I decided to do some soul-searching. I rummaged around in my heart in search of my passions, dreams, and desires. To my delight the answer began to take shape: I realized that, at my core, I love helping and encouraging others. It’s what makes me feel alive. I had been so distracted by the new surroundings that I lost sight of what made me tick. But my friend’s wise words caused me to rediscover that passion, lying dust-covered in the corner of my heart. I decided to get back into counseling as a vehicle through which I could express my inner self. And it has been immensely rewarding.
There is a legend that the pope once approached Michelangelo and asked him how he had the vision and genius to carve his statue of David. Michelangelo replied, “It’s easy. I simply took a block of marble and chipped away everything that was not David.”
Reaching our potential is a lot like that. We all have greatness and worth and amazingness inside of us, but sometimes we need to chip away at the things that are blocking our true selves from emerging.
For me, it was the external things to which I wrongly attributed my identity, brought to light when I moved. At first, all I could see was the pile of rubble collecting at my feet as chunks of my life were chiseled away. But as my perspective changed and I looked up, I beheld my life as I had never seen it before: a work of art, an object of significance, and yes, of potency.
The same is true for you. Do you know that you are potent, right now? That you have power, significance, and beauty just because you’re you? What needs to be chipped away in your life so that your potential can shine through? Maybe it’s ending a toxic relationship that keeps you down. Maybe it’s spending less time on social media, or taking a risk professionally. Or maybe, like me and my move, things are getting painfully chiseled away beyond your control. A breakup. Job loss. Empty nest. Perhaps these things are the “not David” parts of you that, once removed, will allow your power and truth to shine through.
Whatever it is, look beyond the rubble lying at your feet. Look up! Look up and see the work of art, the masterpiece of your potential within you. It is then you will see you absolutely have a life worth living.
Sara’s 5 Favorite Things:
I just got back from a few days in Paris where I stayed at Hotel Luticia and I’m in love! A recently updated grande dame on the left bank, it’s the perfect mix of old-world esthetic and modern luxury.
Cosmedix Pure Enzymes Cranberry Exfoliating Mask is my go-to for a polished, radiant complexion. I leave it on for about 10 minutes once a week and my face immediately looks brighter. (I sound like an Amazon review!)
I am currently reading The Body Keeps the Score about the impact of trauma on the body and mind. Based on cutting-edge research, the book offers hope and healing for those who are suffering.
Wordle! I confess I am so obsessed that I often purposely stay awake until midnight so I can play the word of the day as soon as it posts.
I recently watched a biography on Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys called Brian Wilson: The Long Promised Road. It was a fascinating look at his life and career. I had no idea that he was such a musical genius. As a therapist, I was interested in the fact that he has suffered from mental illness for most of his life. It gave me a new appreciation of him and the music of the Beach Boys.
With gratitude,
Sara Blakeney
P.S. Becoming the producer of our own lives, at our happiest, and celebrating the everyday.
