Letter 63: Creativity Amplified
When we learn together ~ Limitless Women Series #3, Ashley
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Welcome to the third week of our Limitless Women Series!
It’s been fantastic to hear from so many of you about our Limitless Women Series. If you haven’t already, please check out:
Sam’s installment: A Heart for Others
Ruthy’s piece: Be a Part of Something
Today, I’m thrilled to share a woman who has been a longtime inspiration to both Emily and me: Ashley Muir Bruhn. Ashley’s writing and travel adventures, along with her incredibly artistic photographic eye, exemplify how creativity can ever-evolve and teach us about ourselves and our world. As a longtime reader of Ashley’s work, I was fortunate enough to assist her for a bit on Hither & Thither and it’s how I found my amazing TLC co-editor, Emily! Hither & Thither has been a go-to staple for many of us who love travel, style, parenting advice, and great recommendations for all the things! Ashley shares some real nuggets in her Q&A below, once again graciously offering her thoughtful opinions and keen insights! —Molly
Your work with Hither & Thither goes way back. I feel like you are one of the OG blogs at this point. What have you learned about yourself, the world, and others through your work with H&T?
It has been over fourteen years since I first hit publish on a Hither & Thither post, so it can be hard to distinguish between the growing and learning I’ve done from that work and that which has been a natural part of getting older. When it started, my husband and I were newlyweds, living across the country, without children—in other words, in another life!
It has been wild to grow this blog from a hobby, once written simply to share with family and friends, into a business. I realized how much I enjoyed feeling that sense of accomplishment—feeling that people were interested in what I was sharing and building. I have loved reading comments and engaging with a community based on shared interests. Honestly, I feel like I’ve met so many incredible people just through comments and it can be very rewarding.
But I confess that I also see, more acutely, the challenge of producing a blog (mostly) by myself. I like to generate ideas, ask questions, do research, write and take photos—make content—but I cannot seem to get any grasp on the backend of running a website, even these many years in. Any SEO expert will tell you that I’ve only succeeded in that arena because I’ve got so many years of links. I’m terrible about tracking analytics, and I’ve never enjoyed marketing. Unfortunately, the business of blogging is often just that. Still, I try to give myself some credit and be proud of the ambition it took to treat it as a job, in spite of a still-major case of imposter syndrome.
That imposter syndrome extends to the content, too, sometimes: it’s scary to put oneself on the internet. I worry about the relevance of my opinion as I get older. It’s a very vulnerable position to be in, to put opinions and values and experiences out into the world when you don’t know for certain those of the person on the other side. And as commenting declined with the growth of various social media platforms, I definitely felt that even more. I largely backed off from blogging during the pandemic and—as ever—I’m still trying to figure out the appropriate balance for me.
Like so many who hit pause over the past couple of years, I’m contemplating my next steps.
You love to travel and you’ve made it a central part of your life (and your family’s). From where does this passion stem and what have your travel experiences taught you?
All of the clichés hold true for me: travel can be mind-opening. I love the feeling of newness and tasting fresh flavors, discovering new places, and seeing new things. I love the excitement over anything from the special (history and art) to the mundane… like noting how another place handles their recycling, or whether people touch when they say hello. I enjoy observing fashion trends and hairstyles and children’s school routines.
However, I’d say that increasingly it’s also the kind of person whom I get to be when I’m traveling that I love. Travel-me is someone who is curious and open and focused on pleasure and enjoyment. Someone who sees beauty everywhere and can’t stop picking up a camera to capture it. Someone who is present for their family rather than distracted by work and house, and who is planning shared experiences where we are stimulated and learning together. And each time we come home, I’m reminded that I also live in a really beautiful place and that I can choose to bring travel-me back there.
On a larger level, I appreciate that travel teaches: that our way is not the only way. Coming into an unfamiliar environment or navigating a new language helps us learn to be more gracious. It works that muscle.
This is true for domestic as well as international travel, but with the latter, it seems especially relevant to ensuring that American pride doesn’t trip into nationalism. Other countries have been around a lot longer than we have and we can learn from each other.
We were in Spain recently when SCOTUS overturned the Roe v. Wade decision and found ourselves wondering what wisdom comes from having so much more history as a country. You have generations of living and dying before you and so many failed or disastrous examples of attempts at controlling others’ bodily or religious autonomy. Is it that perspective that our nation is still lacking when it comes to letting others decide their private lives?
You’re raising two strong, independent children. What are your guiding principles in raising them?
Oh my… I have to believe that if they feel loved and heard, that will keep them safe. Otherwise, this parenting gig is just too scary!
We do our best to be honest and open about family rules and values—often based on some variation of the golden rule—but I’m sure we are making mistakes along the way. At the end of the day, we make sure that we’re telling them we love them no matter what, that we are being affectionate with them, and that we are trying to model a healthy, romantic relationship. I hope they are indeed strong and independent. But I think it probably helps them take those steps toward independence to know that they are loved and that we are there if ever they need us.
I love following along on your adventures in Davis, CA. Tell me about your love for your town and the surrounding areas and why it’s a special part of California.
A good example of what makes Davis special might be the summer camp day the kids are having right now. They biked together to central park, where they meet up with many other tie-dye sporting campers to bike all over town—to the swimming pool and the rock climbing spot and eventually past some olive groves and farm animals to the University’s Riparian reserve creek for floating and blackberry-picking. They will camp there under the stars tonight. This isn’t a typical day, mind you, but it’s incredible to me that this is all possible within a few miles of home. Aren’t kids lucky?
My husband grew up here, biking those same routes. And we met in college here, at UC Davis. Like any small town, it has its issues, but I’ve always appreciated its urban/rural mix, its wonderful farmers’ markets and many bike lanes, and its mostly left-leaning social politics.
And—importantly for when it does feel small—within a few hours, you can be in a city like San Francisco, or in the mountains around Lake Tahoe, or tasting wines and slurping oysters in Sonoma.
As long as I’ve followed (and known!) you, I’ve always been aware of what excellent taste you have. And this goes for wine, food, and clothes (among other things). Tell me your secrets when picking out each of these things.
Thank you—that’s so nice to hear! I can’t say there’s a secret, however; only that I have always been very interested in aesthetics. For as long as I can remember, I have been a hoarder of magazines. I still have binders of aspirational images collected from a pre-Pinterest era that I know I should get rid of but am loath to. I suppose I am a researcher at heart and all of that observing led to trying until I figured out my own taste.
For clothes, food, and wine… I think my general rules apply to all three: keep it simple and balanced, never cloyingly sweet; ignore numbers when needed (i.e. don’t worry about a high size or a low price, and know that expensive isn’t always better), and be open to trying new things.
To keep the food/clothing analogy going: You know that sort of restaurant that serves amazing, Michelin-quality food but without any of the pretense or fuss of a fancy place? In New York, there was this restaurant under the Williamsburg bridge called Diner that we just loved. I suppose it could be accused of leaning a bit too hipster, but in general, it was very approachable: set in an old dining car—with candles and mercury-glass mirrors and narrow, tiled walkways—the waiter might slide in next to you to write the menu with a ball-point pen on a white-butcher-papered table. It all seemed thrown together from that day’s market haul but every meal was high-cuisine.
If I could aspire to any style, I think it would be something like that: under- rather than over-dressed, but still quality. Approachable and a little unexpected.
Rapid-Fire Questions with Ashley
Favorite locale in the world:
Probably somewhere on the southern coast of Italy. I’m thinking of one of those little beach bars on the Amalfi coast where a boat brings you to have fresh-caught rare tuna, lemon-y al dente pasta, and dry white wine in between salty sea swims. But ask me again and you might get a different answer.
What does aging mean to you?
Living! (And letting live.)
What must your home have in it (besides family):
Lots of light—plenty of windows—and, ideally, a coffee-maker.
Favorite podcast/book/magazine right now:
I love (love, love) listening to podcasts and have been on an SNL deep-dive lately, meaning lots of interviews by Dana Carvey and David Spade (their show is Fly on the Wall) or by Conan O’Brien (Conan Needs a Friend). But my other tops are the modern history podcast You’re Wrong About and the movie podcast You are Good, formerly Why Are Dads (both with Sarah Marshall); the “podcast for women over forty,” Everything is Fine; and the NPR Pop Culture Happy Hour. I also regularly listen to The Daily and Up First for news.
Favorite guilty pleasure:
Watching T.V. late at night and fighting heavy eyelids until I give in and fall asleep.
You have a day all to yourself, what do you do?
Sleep in, go on a long hike (with a queue full of podcasts), take a bath, and watch a romantic comedy. Oh, and make plans to share some of it with someone the next time.
Thank you, Ashley!
P.S. The real world, reimagined; enhancing our morning routines; and when we make space for change.