When I moved to grad school, I spent the first few weeks holed up in my dank basement or sitting in the Peninsula Park Rose Garden down the street. I knew almost no one. I'd never felt so lonely before and sometimes in the park I hoped no one could see me crying behind my sunglasses.
I started my classes and in the glorious Portland sunshine, I found another person who wanted to toss a frisby during breaks. We played soccer but talked through the whole game, talked through class about God knows what, and then left to hangout some more.
We moved far apart after graduation, but that bond still exists, built on laughter and conversations so real you could taste them. That's the great thing about the "one-person"; they turn up in each place I move. Love this description of friendship!
Oh my goodness, these visuals make me teary. I can see us laughing (all. the. time.) and goofing off between (and during) classes and having some of the best, most real conversations. I'm so thankful we found each other, and even more thankful our relationship continues to grow, change, and deepen. I didn't even think it could get better. Well, whoops, it does. Love you! 💗
Having moved half-way across the country three times to end up back where I started, finding your one person has been advice that I have carried with me since my first move. I always thought when I was younger that you would have that one friend that would be there with you throughout your whole lifetime. I still have some close friends from when I was in high school and college, but as you experience life, your life experiences can very different. Maybe you have moved three times, or have a child with a disability, or sometimes, as much as it sucks, you just grew apart. I have been fortunate to have some of the most wonderful women be my one person in these different locations or seasons of life. I love L.M. Montgomery quote form Anne of Green Gables “Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” My current one person is Christine. She is very opposite of me: she is loud, super outgoing, not a planner at all, and super confident. She is exactly who I need now in my life right now. I thank God that she was placed in my life exactly when I needed it.
Angel, I feel you on this! I moved a lot too, and when I hear about life-long childhood friendships, I just couldn't really imagine what that would have been like outside of a sibling or cousin. I love your comment about your "one person" present in your different seasons of life. Even when we stay put in one location, our lives are full of seasons of change. Finding connection is so important in every season! <3
My one person turned out to be 2!! I never imagined that I would leave Texas to attend college, but here I am all the way in Alabama. My freshman roommate, Emma, was the only one I knew going in — and I hadn’t even met her in person yet. We clicked automatically and have been best friends ever since. I’m currently planning to move into an off-campus apartment with her. But along with her, was a friend she introduced me to the first weekend of college. Her name is Abby (she’s also living with me and Emma). After our freshman “neon dance party,” Abby stuck around — coming to our room about every day. These two friends have stuck by my side the past two years of college. What helped even more, was that we were all “transplants” as you’ve written. I’m from Texas, Emma is from Utah, and Abby is from Indiana. We all found our way down to Alabama, and I definitely don’t think that’s an accident. We were all meant to be each other’s people. We all couldn’t just drive a couple of hours and see our family on the weekend. We bonded so quickly over our shared “transplant-ness” and have been close ever since. (Sorry Mrs. Smith is my grammar and such are all messed up in this haha).
Anna, you have always been a wonderful communicator! Thank you for sharing your story. I love hearing what you’re up to and I am so glad you’re loving your college experience!
Well my one person has been my person for over 10 years but she came along during a very lonely and isolated period in my life. My best friend, Lexi, became my friend senior year of high school. I had a best friend prior to her that now looking back I can see was very emotionally abusive, though at the time I don't think I would've described it that way. That friend for years manipulated me into only being friends with her and would make me feel guilty for even wanting to hang out with anyone else. She intimidated me and controlled me in many ways. So of course once she decided I was no longer good enough to be friends with her she worked to isolate me even more. She actively tried to persuade people not to be friends with me. One of the most beautiful things about Lexi is she saw right through this. Once we started to bond that former friend tried to befriend Lexi, most likely to draw her away from me. I'll never forget the moment that that former friend came up to us and started love bombing Lexi all while her back was to me. After she did her thing and walked off Lexi looked right at me and said "I really hate when she does that, I know she's just trying to get under your skin." What everyone else failed to see, she saw. I knew in that moment I found a special person. She has become more of a sister to me and no matter the changes life brings her loyalty stands firm. I'm so lucky to have her as a lifelong friend and my person I can count on.
Gabbi, thank you so much for your transparency. What a difficult lesson to learn, especially when you were so young. It’s just like you though to find the good in that lonely season. 💗
My one person is my dear friend Heather. We met through business but I still remember our very first phone call, I was driving down the freeway on my way to Utah and we were conversing and it didn’t take long to realize she was a PLM. People Like Me.
We’ve been friends for a few years now and finding your person in your late forties/early fifties is different than finding your person in your twenties. For me, I’m more guarded & more trepidatious. I’m so happy I took the leap of allowing someone new in my life because I truly don’t know how I would have made it through these last 8 months without her. She’s a guiding light for me, ever present whether it’s through a text, a FaceTime convo or we’re winking conspiratorially to each other during a business Zoom with coffee mugs hiding our laughter.
Heather has been my rock — and when I look back at this challenging time in my life — I will always remember the love she held for me & the safe space she gave me to bring my sorrow without qualms.
I'm so glad you mentioned about how finding people changes as we get older. There's no putting a price on finding and cherishing our "guiding lights." I hope you sent this to Heather! 💗
This “one person” advice has me teary . I haven’t moved but one outcome of this past year is that I have permanently separated from my mom group of seven years . It’s made the pandemic even more lonely . I spend a lot of time worrying that my days of friendship are gone . I’m inspired now though … I just need to find my one person . Thank you 💙
You are always welcome here, Carrie! I’m so sorry this year has made you feel more divided, but the one friend and one connection approach makes it feel manageable. I hope this year opens up all kinds of possibilities and opportunities for you! 💕
When I moved to grad school, I spent the first few weeks holed up in my dank basement or sitting in the Peninsula Park Rose Garden down the street. I knew almost no one. I'd never felt so lonely before and sometimes in the park I hoped no one could see me crying behind my sunglasses.
I started my classes and in the glorious Portland sunshine, I found another person who wanted to toss a frisby during breaks. We played soccer but talked through the whole game, talked through class about God knows what, and then left to hangout some more.
We moved far apart after graduation, but that bond still exists, built on laughter and conversations so real you could taste them. That's the great thing about the "one-person"; they turn up in each place I move. Love this description of friendship!
Oh my goodness, these visuals make me teary. I can see us laughing (all. the. time.) and goofing off between (and during) classes and having some of the best, most real conversations. I'm so thankful we found each other, and even more thankful our relationship continues to grow, change, and deepen. I didn't even think it could get better. Well, whoops, it does. Love you! 💗
Having moved half-way across the country three times to end up back where I started, finding your one person has been advice that I have carried with me since my first move. I always thought when I was younger that you would have that one friend that would be there with you throughout your whole lifetime. I still have some close friends from when I was in high school and college, but as you experience life, your life experiences can very different. Maybe you have moved three times, or have a child with a disability, or sometimes, as much as it sucks, you just grew apart. I have been fortunate to have some of the most wonderful women be my one person in these different locations or seasons of life. I love L.M. Montgomery quote form Anne of Green Gables “Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” My current one person is Christine. She is very opposite of me: she is loud, super outgoing, not a planner at all, and super confident. She is exactly who I need now in my life right now. I thank God that she was placed in my life exactly when I needed it.
Angel, I feel you on this! I moved a lot too, and when I hear about life-long childhood friendships, I just couldn't really imagine what that would have been like outside of a sibling or cousin. I love your comment about your "one person" present in your different seasons of life. Even when we stay put in one location, our lives are full of seasons of change. Finding connection is so important in every season! <3
My one person turned out to be 2!! I never imagined that I would leave Texas to attend college, but here I am all the way in Alabama. My freshman roommate, Emma, was the only one I knew going in — and I hadn’t even met her in person yet. We clicked automatically and have been best friends ever since. I’m currently planning to move into an off-campus apartment with her. But along with her, was a friend she introduced me to the first weekend of college. Her name is Abby (she’s also living with me and Emma). After our freshman “neon dance party,” Abby stuck around — coming to our room about every day. These two friends have stuck by my side the past two years of college. What helped even more, was that we were all “transplants” as you’ve written. I’m from Texas, Emma is from Utah, and Abby is from Indiana. We all found our way down to Alabama, and I definitely don’t think that’s an accident. We were all meant to be each other’s people. We all couldn’t just drive a couple of hours and see our family on the weekend. We bonded so quickly over our shared “transplant-ness” and have been close ever since. (Sorry Mrs. Smith is my grammar and such are all messed up in this haha).
Anna, you have always been a wonderful communicator! Thank you for sharing your story. I love hearing what you’re up to and I am so glad you’re loving your college experience!
Well my one person has been my person for over 10 years but she came along during a very lonely and isolated period in my life. My best friend, Lexi, became my friend senior year of high school. I had a best friend prior to her that now looking back I can see was very emotionally abusive, though at the time I don't think I would've described it that way. That friend for years manipulated me into only being friends with her and would make me feel guilty for even wanting to hang out with anyone else. She intimidated me and controlled me in many ways. So of course once she decided I was no longer good enough to be friends with her she worked to isolate me even more. She actively tried to persuade people not to be friends with me. One of the most beautiful things about Lexi is she saw right through this. Once we started to bond that former friend tried to befriend Lexi, most likely to draw her away from me. I'll never forget the moment that that former friend came up to us and started love bombing Lexi all while her back was to me. After she did her thing and walked off Lexi looked right at me and said "I really hate when she does that, I know she's just trying to get under your skin." What everyone else failed to see, she saw. I knew in that moment I found a special person. She has become more of a sister to me and no matter the changes life brings her loyalty stands firm. I'm so lucky to have her as a lifelong friend and my person I can count on.
Gabbi, thank you so much for your transparency. What a difficult lesson to learn, especially when you were so young. It’s just like you though to find the good in that lonely season. 💗
My one person is my dear friend Heather. We met through business but I still remember our very first phone call, I was driving down the freeway on my way to Utah and we were conversing and it didn’t take long to realize she was a PLM. People Like Me.
We’ve been friends for a few years now and finding your person in your late forties/early fifties is different than finding your person in your twenties. For me, I’m more guarded & more trepidatious. I’m so happy I took the leap of allowing someone new in my life because I truly don’t know how I would have made it through these last 8 months without her. She’s a guiding light for me, ever present whether it’s through a text, a FaceTime convo or we’re winking conspiratorially to each other during a business Zoom with coffee mugs hiding our laughter.
Heather has been my rock — and when I look back at this challenging time in my life — I will always remember the love she held for me & the safe space she gave me to bring my sorrow without qualms.
I'm so glad you mentioned about how finding people changes as we get older. There's no putting a price on finding and cherishing our "guiding lights." I hope you sent this to Heather! 💗
This “one person” advice has me teary . I haven’t moved but one outcome of this past year is that I have permanently separated from my mom group of seven years . It’s made the pandemic even more lonely . I spend a lot of time worrying that my days of friendship are gone . I’m inspired now though … I just need to find my one person . Thank you 💙
You are always welcome here, Carrie! I’m so sorry this year has made you feel more divided, but the one friend and one connection approach makes it feel manageable. I hope this year opens up all kinds of possibilities and opportunities for you! 💕