Letter 35: When the Years Fall Away
Letter 35: When the Years Fall Away
When we esteem friendships in our 60s ~ Friendship Series, Part 5
Welcome to our ongoing Friendship Series—today we focus on our 60s!
I was so thankful when my friend Debbie agreed to take part in our series on friendships in different decades of our lives. Debbie is a friend whom I admire, and I love hearing about her life. She’s fabulous!
We all know that Monday is Valentine’s Day, but did you know that this coming Sunday is Galentine’s Day? (It’s especially perfect that it also falls on the Superbowl this year.) I love that our Friendship Series falls during this delightful, nonofficial holiday.
Debbie writes, “My friends mean so much to me. Age and awareness of my lack of years left have definitely changed my outlook on life.” Each year we have together is precious—what a gift it is to spend our time with those we love, especially our friends.
And, as Leslie Knope so accurately states, “Uteruses before duderuses.” —Emily
“One friend in a storm is worth more than a thousand friends in sunshine.”
Matshona Dhliwayo
I grew up with two younger brothers. I have a brother that is two years younger than me and retired recently. He has always been my friend, but we’ve become closer than ever over the past decade. I can confide in him, but only to a point–it’s different with female friends. There are very few boundaries with my girlfriends; I can be totally myself. While my brother sees me as an equal, sometimes there is that hint of, I’m a man, I know better. That is never the case with my female friends.
My best friend is Annie. I’ve known her since high school (50 years!). She has been there for me through thick and thin, and she’s the ONLY person in the world that knows everything about me–all the gory details. She listens without judgment. She does offer advice, but knows that I (most likely) won’t listen! We have had arguments in the past, but they have never affected our friendship. We’ve even gone for a year without checking in, but then we just picked up where we left off. As we’ve gotten older, we are texting and talking on a weekly basis. I couldn’t bear losing her as a friend.
I went through a dry spell of friendships while raising my children. Being married, working, and having children is all-consuming. There was barely time for myself, let alone friendships. There were long stretches of time in which the only other adults I had any conversations with were co-workers and parents of my children’s friends. Nothing meaningful.
One of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make was ending a friendship with a friend who I realized was unkind to my daughter. Her cruelty was never outward, but underlying. For example, this “friend” would exclude my daughter from events and isolate her. One example of many was the time she took my daughter on vacation with her daughter’s other friends then put my daughter in a bedroom on the opposite side of the rental house.
There was another instance in which she was so mean-spirited that I had to say something, which unfortunately ended our friendship. It was very painful at first, but now I realize that the loss of that “friend” was the best thing that ever happened because it relieved both my daughter’s and my stress levels. No one has the right to make my daughter feel less-than. Here’s some advice about evaluating a friendship: if it’s toxic, get out!
The next stage of motherhood brought new challenges. Having an empty nest was extremely painful for me at first; but happily, I discovered I had free time to actually rekindle old friendships. I’ve been through a lot since my children moved out on their own, including the death of my husband and the loss of my business and assets due to a tornado. But through it all, I’ve had my friends’ help.
It’s felt easier to make and maintain friendships as I’ve reached my 60s. My friends mean so much to me. Age and awareness of my lack of years left have definitely changed my outlook on life. I am widowed, so my spouse is no longer here with me. My children are grown and successful members of society, so my children are not at home. I am retired, so no job (and no job-related stress!). I try to live every day to the fullest, and my friends are a major part of this mindset.
“We are friends for life. When we’re together the years fall away. Isn’t that what matters? To have someone who can remember with you? To have someone who remembers how far you’ve come?”
Judy Blume
In gratitude,
Debbie Hargrave
P.S. Debbie mentions times in her life when her friends were there to support her. Tell us about a time when your friends were there for you and consider sharing this letter with that woman!
Previous Posts from the Friendship Series
