Letter 16: Heavy Hearts

When we sit and listen

Aug 18, 2021

“And may all mothers know that they are loved,
And may all sisters know that they are strong,
And may all daughters know that they are powerful,
That the circle of women may live on.”
Nalini Blossom, “Circle of Women”

My (Molly’s) friend Jennifer had many gifts, but her most subtle (and perhaps most powerful) was her ability to sit alongside the women in her life, in silence, just being present for them. She wasn’t the most outspoken in the room, she wasn’t the biggest problem solver of the group, but she was the true leader when it came to compassionate love.

Jennifer’s ability to hold space for any person who was suffering is resoundingly present for me this week. Many times throughout my years with Jennifer, I struggled, grieved, and agonized over some of the deep sadnesses of my life, and all the while, Jennifer was alongside me, sharing my pain. Sitting silently, holding my hand, crying with me, loving me.

And it wasn’t just me. Jennifer did this for all the people in her life. And she did this remarkably well for the women in her life.

We lost Jennifer to metastatic breast cancer in July 2020. Her passing has left a deep hole in our lives, our community of women, her parish, and her family. Many still talk about how present Jennifer is for us each day: we feel her; we hear her voice; and—mostly—we hear her laugh when something happens that we know she would get a kick out of.

This week, I feel Jennifer even more strongly than I normally do. I know she is with me as I grapple with how to reconcile the deep pain our world is experiencing. Jennifer was a champion for all women and children. She was often compared to Mary in our Jesuit community and never was there a more apt description made.

I took this sunset picture in 2014 during one of the retreats Jennifer and I led for our female students.

You see, so many of us are struggling right now. While we watch the news in Afghanistan, read the Twitter updates about Haiti, hear about Lebanon’s deep struggles, we ache and grieve for all people affected right now. U.S. military who fought in Afghanistan or families who lost members fighting there are grappling with what the fall of that country means for them, after all they’ve lived through. For me, it’s my sadness, and anger at times, about what’s happening to the women and children.

Here in the U.S., we see adults in our communities shouting at one another about our children wearing masks to school while simultaneously parents send family members text updates from their children’s bedsides while they struggle from covid-related issues. Other parents are turned away from emergency rooms because there aren’t enough beds, as the doctors give them signs of what to watch for in case their children’s cases get worse. Doctors are going home to their families absolutely exhausted, running on fumes.

These anecdotes are not news stories; rather, these are text messages from my friends. What is happening to the children in these situations?

My sisters send pictures of the outside of their homes, with air quality so bad that their kids cannot play outside, while they watch the fire lines of the forest fires, praying the winds don’t come and the temperatures stay down. People are displaced from their homes, unsure of what will greet them upon return. I ache for these families.

These are the burdens the women in Tennessee, Mississippi, Oregon, and Afghanistan, Lebanon, Haiti—among other places—are holding up every minute of every day.

In honor of the children (and their beloved kites) of Afghanistan. ©Praveen Kumar

Emily and I had planned to share a beautiful essay today about the sacredness of cocooning during this difficult time of covid; but instead, we chose to take this opportunity to sit alongside you, pause for a moment and reflect on the heaviness we each carry. We didn’t feel it was right to publish our planned newsletter. Instead, we offer a moment of peace—sharing that we are here with you, our sadness is deep as we know yours is, and we want to find a way to help. For us, that’s sharing stories and resources for causes and people that we can amplify.

Jennifer never shied away from difficult moments. She was steady, sitting next to her people, holding them in their pain. We cannot turn away from what’s happening around us, but we can take a moment to sit together, problem-solve, and figure out the best course of action for each of us. How can we reach out to others?

Emily and I have compiled a list of resources below that may help. Educating ourselves, sharing resources with others who are asking questions, volunteering your time or money—truly, anything helps right now. If you have other resources, ideas, thoughts to share with the group, we implore you to comment below and let others know.

Thank you for being in this space with us. We are honored to sit alongside you,

Molly + Emily

Resources

For Information:

Our contributor Emily Fleming’s letter from July 28. Her plea: get vaccinated. She frequently posts about her ER experiences on her Instagram account (@emflem). Also, a valuable infographic about vaccines’ impact on the delta variant.
Malala Yousafzai, op-ed for the New York Times — “We will have time to debate what went wrong in the war in Afghanistan, but in this critical moment we must listen to the voices of Afghan women and girls. They are asking for protection, for education, for the freedom and the future they were promised. We cannot continue to fail them. We have no time to spare.”
Mosheh Oinounou (@mosheh) — An amazing source for reliable, balanced news coverage. He is a journalist and Emmy-winning former executive producer for many news programs, including CBS News, Fox News, Bloomberg, and CNBC.
This week’s In Her Words — “I am a journalist and I am not allowed to work,” said Ms. Amin, 28. “What will I do next? The next generation will have nothing, everything we have achieved for 20 years will be gone. The Taliban is the Taliban. They have not changed.”
“The Fall of Afghanistan” episode of The Daily podcast
Sharon McMahon (@sharonsaysso), America’s Government Teacher
Brady & Amber Black — A couple Emily was acquainted with at the University of North Texas who live in Lebanon. Brady is an illustrator & Amber is a social worker, and they’ve been posting updates and answering questions about the governmental corruption, gas shortages, and electricity outages.

InciWeb Fire Incident Information System

To Help:

Women for Women International — Poet Kate Baer @katejbaer is leading a fundraising drive for this organization. In less than one day she raised $44K+ and it was matched 100%, bringing the total to $89K+.
The Georgetown Institute for Women, Peace & Security (GIWPS)
The Lutheran Immigration and Refugee Service (LIRS) is a non-profit organization that welcomes and supports refugees and migrants entering the United States. Displaced Afghans are already coming to our cities, and LIRS needs donations and volunteers to help in tangible ways, including airport pick-ups, meal preparation, English language tutoring, mentorships, etc.
Autumn, a friend of Emily’s, is matching donations up to $200 for USA for UNHCR (United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees), or the UN Refugee Agency. Donate through her IG fundraiser here. Emily & Molly have donated $100.
Ahla Fawda® — Non-Governmental Organization (NGO): Our mission is community work in all its aspects; To create positive energy & help make a difference.
Veteran & Military Resources via @realhousewivesoffighterpilots