Letter 140: Thirty, Flirty and Thriving
When we embrace our lessons
I am amazed that I am 55 years old. AMAZED! How have I been alive 55 years? My friends and I often ask each other, “How old do you feel?” The responses are usually along the lines of “Besides my (insert achey or saggy body part here), I feel like I’m somewhere in my thirties.” How would you answer that question? What is it about our thirties that feels like the ideal age to settle on? Today, Sarah, who really is 30, shares her thoughts on getting older and all of the lessons she has learned along the way. And for the record, her lessons are wise for any age….especially 55. — Anita
Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.
— David Bowie
The big 3-0
Conflicting emotions consuming every ounce of my being at one time is something I’ve become deeply accustomed to over the past 3 or so years. So, in the days leading up to my 30th birthday, it came as no surprise to me to feel incredibly overwhelmed yet deeply at peace at the prospect of leaving my 20s behind. I never feared turning 30; in fact, thanks to the 2004 cult classic 13 Going on 30, I looked forward to calling myself “thirty and flirty and thriving”.
But 29 was a defining year for me, and saying goodbye to her left me choked up. It was a year of rediscovery, self love, and growth. With each passing day, as 30 drew nearer, I became more and more introspective, mourning my childhood and teen years, which had slipped away in the blink of an eye, and thinking about what I’d been through in my 20s — mistakes made, lessons learned, tears shed, and laughs shared.
I smile at the 22 year old who moves to San Francisco, jobless and hopeful. I admire her for her perseverance, proud of her for landing the job at her dream company.
I hug the 25 year old, who experiences intense anxiety for the first time, thinking she has to have it all figured out.
I cry with the 27 year old, who’s world crashes in on her.
And I hold hands with the 29 year old, who settles into a new life in New York, falling in love with herself and her life.
All these versions of me came together to walk into this new year, this milestone, and while I was scared, I was content, too. Because at the end of the day, it’s not that deep, is it? And that one glorious, comforting thought led me to open my notes app and begin writing.
The lessons
And so, without further adieu, here are 30 of the most valuable lessons I have learned in my 30 years, in no particular order:
It’s not that deep.
Take advice from people I admire and want to be like.
Not everyone is going to like me – that’s okay.
Perfectionism holds me back and inhibits my creativity.
Hold space for people to speak freely and openly. I don’t always have to offer advice or fill silence.
I know the difference between necessary and unnecessary apologies. Don’t say sorry for existing or taking up space.
Health is wealth. Greens do, in fact, make me feel good, along with consistent exercise, good sleep, and quality routines. Who knew?
Nobody is thinking about me as much as I think they are.
Hating myself is exhausting and boring. I am going to fail and disappoint myself but I love myself as I am.
I am my own best friend. The relationship I have with myself is the most important one I’ll ever have.
Treats are good for the soul.
Honesty is always the best policy. It might be uncomfortable or challenging to share the truth but it’s always better than lying or making up excuses.
Take accountability. If I fucked up, I fucked up. Own it and apologize, as needed. Take my failures and mistakes as an opportunity to improve.
Vulnerability is my greatest strength.
My independence is so important to me, and one of my favorite traits about myself. Don’t lean on it as a defense or excuse though; letting people in is okay.
Give myself grace, and know the difference between grace and slacking off – a fine line.
I will never have it all figured out. I’m constantly learning and evolving.
Never stop taking opportunities to learn or try new things!
I do not have to be good at everything. It’s okay to be bad at it, point blank period, but still have fun with it. And it’s okay to be bad at something and work at it until I get good at it.
I am the only person who can truly and fully advocate for myself. No one is going to “save me”; no one is going to come fix a messy situation for me.
My work does not define me; it is a means to live the life I want to live.
Rest is productive! Not having Saturday night plans is okay. Taking time to relax and recharge makes me a better, more well-rounded person.
The value of taking a step back and zooming out is immeasurable.
The opportunity to travel is an immense privilege and the lessons I have learned from traveling and experiencing different pockets of the world is something I will always chase and cherish.
It’ll pass. It always does.
I don’t have to like something just because it’s trendy or healthy or “good”. Question trends!
On the flip side, it’s okay to like popular things. Being basic isn’t a bad thing.
There is nothing sweeter than girlhood and female friendships. Keep your hunnies close. 💓
Kindness over everything. Treat people the way you want to be treated and live by kindness.
Life is supposed to be fun. Laugh often, live joyfully. A good giggle is medicinal.
I welcome 30 with open arms, feeling more myself than I ever have, comfortable in my present and excited for my future. Cheers to the next chapter and the new lessons it’ll bring.
Sarah’s 5 Favorite Things
Voice notes: FaceTime is fantastic, texting is great, but can we talk about voice notes? My girls and I love this form of communication; it’s especially great for long-distance friendships.
Per many friend recommendations, I finally began watching Broad City — I’m late to the party, I know. It’s hilarious, witty, silly, and relatable, especially if you’ve spent time in New York City.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve discovered my sense of style and a desire to invest in timeless pieces for my closet and jewelry box. Gorjana has become a fast favorite for jewelry; their pieces are dainty, effortless, and perfect for every day.
I’m Nancy Meyers’ number 1 fan, and this Spotify playlist is perfect. I listen to it while I make my morning coffee and on my walks through Central Park; I feel like I’m in one of her movies.
A few years ago, my friend Emily told me about Storyworth, a website that sends weekly prompts to a loved one for one year. Then, the prompts are turned into a book; my family and I gifted this to my Nana and now have a lovely book of memories from her life.
In gratitude,
Sarah Sheppard
PS: Read about Sarah’s decision to move to NYC here or following her own timeline here.
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