Letter 126: Finding the Right Answer
When we relearn about hobbies
Some people just have a way with words. Mallory has been this person as long as I’ve known her. She summarizes the less is more phrase in so much of her discourse—what she shares in book club, the witty texts she sends me and in her TLC letters. I’m grateful for those who don’t mince words, who get right in and get right out. People like Mallory make the world fall into place when parts feel gray and murky (which is how it often feels these days). Her letter today is a great reprieve from the news’ heaviness. I imagine you’ll be asking the same questions she posed to herself and may perhaps be intrigued by your answers. —Molly
When I was in college, people often asked what others did for fun. Almost everyone had a solid answer prepared. This sports club, that student group. It’s an icebreaker, right? A way of getting to know what someone values, a lens into how they spend their time. The problem with this question is I don’t think most people are honest in their answers.
From early high school through college, hobbies were optimized amongst my peers. The rewards of doing something that looked good on a resume took precedence. Sometimes what was fun and what was useful even overlapped—soccer I loved, and looked good on college applications. The best of both worlds!
Once I got to college, the focus shifted to job resumes, on how to convey to both peers and employers that I did important things, cool things, things that are worthy of my time. But who decided the “worthy” part?
Securing a job ended a game I didn’t know I had been playing.
In my senior year of college, I realized I hadn’t read a book for fun in years. I had great relationships, did well in my classes, and had a job lined up. But the lack of reading, something I had done obsessively until high school, disturbed me. Where were my hobbies? Did I have any? Securing a job ended a game I didn’t know I had been playing.
Thus began a quest to relearn what it meant to have hobbies.
This happened slowly, in bursts of late-night energy and everyday habits, in trips planned and time supposedly wasted.
I learned to ski from people who had decades more experience than I did. I began to read every single night. Cooking a meal became something to slow down for, rather than a means to an end. I threw myself into topics that didn’t level me up in any obvious way.
People talk about “useless knowledge” as if only knowledge that can clearly and directly get you ahead in life is worth knowing. But there’s something so pure in pursuing a topic simply because you like it, regardless of its utility.
I can recite National Women’s Soccer League stats from 2022 off the top of my head and tell you all about circadian rhythms. That knowledge will take me nowhere and everywhere.
Beyond seeking knowledge just for the sake of it, I began to reorient my understanding of being good at something. I think it took until age 22 to internalize that I don’t have to be particularly skilled at an activity in order to enjoy it.
There’s a certain kind of satisfaction in pushing yourself toward improvement; it brings me joy to see myself get better at something over time. But I don’t have to be an expert for it to be worth my while.
Skiing gets me outside my own head, keeps me moving, and brings a rush I can’t get anywhere else. It doesn’t matter I’m years behind—there’s no benchmark that matters when you’re doing something for the fun of it.
In 2021 I would have been stumped by the question of hobbies. Now, you can’t get me to stop talking. What a joy to be interested in something just for the sake of being engaged with the world.
Mallory’s 5 Favorite Things
These shoes have seen a lot of miles since I bought them last year. Good for travel!
Shoutout to book club—Four Thousand Weeks was one of the best books I’ve read on how we spend our time.
This bowl and these salad scissors result in much better salads at home.
One of my favorite shows, Billions, just ended after its seventh season. It’s had some up and down years, but I’ve loved it.
These little containers are expensive, but have made traveling with toiletries so much easier.
In gratitude,
Mallory Price
P.S. What hobbies have you discovered later in life? How have they shaped your experiences? Share with us in the comments below.
This is so reassuring! Sometimes I feel like hobbies can turn into WORK instead of remaining FUN, and this essay is such a great reminder of that! PS...I CANNOT LIVE without food scissors...I find them to be such a necessity that I ordered them for the kitchen in my office (and I'm literally about to use them to cut up a salad). The ones recommended here are so hardcore lol - LOVE!