Letter 125: Moments of Transformation

When we enter the portal

Transitions.

While they can be some of our most difficult experiences, they are often the times that lead to the deepest clarity. Isabella shares today about her most recent in-between phase as she navigates what comes next after a recent move. I always appreciate when others share about their murky areas—the parts that don’t always seem to make sense immediately. Perhaps Isabella’s reflections will inspire you to think about transitions in your own life. Consider sharing your insights in the comments below about how you navigated the challenges of starting down a new path.—Molly

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Packing. Unpacking.

Labeling. Taping. 

Lifting. Pivoting. 

Unfolding. Hanging. 

Shifting. Transforming. 

Over the last five years, I have moved three times, four cities, four states, not including my family’s international move back to Tennessee after living in Brazil for five years. To some, this number of moves across such a short window may pale in comparison to what they have experienced. I consider myself lucky that each move was my choice. At the same time, these moves have felt like an endless cycle of checking boxes, packing, unpacking, decluttering, lifting, and adjusting. To put it short, I am tired of moving.

Yet, just over a month ago, I found myself at the start of yet another move – the UHaul packed, boxes labeled, and the goodbye’s shared. Between the time my first TLC letter was published to now, my address has changed, yet again, this time to a city far smaller and far more in the South than I ever thought I would live. And I find myself grappling with the realization of: “I didn’t think my life was going to turn out this way.” 

See, a little over a year ago, I fell in love. I fell in love with a young man who grew up in this small town, whose family has made a life—a rich and abundant life—in this town. 

A winter Louisiana sunset 

But the prospect of moving terrified me. Not only because it meant adding to the number of physical moves, but because it meant shifting and transforming the vision I had for my life and bringing it into focus with the hopes and vision I had for my relationship. I could feel within myself, and still do, the tension between “Me and my life” to “You and me and our lives.” 

There is this portal that comes with moving. I know it well, and yet every time, with each new move, it surprises me by its presence. Anne Helen Petersen describes such a portal in her newsletter, “Are You in the Portal”  as “an experience of transformation, of refinement” (thank you Molly for sharing these wise and comforting words with me). 

I believe this is a moment of sincere transformation, of refinement, in my life.

This portal has proven a doorway into a new chapter, a new beginning, and in some ways, a starting over. Moving to a new city seems to have given me a newfound permission to explore. Compared to my old routines in East Nashville, my corner coffee shop, my running route and my favorite restaurants, I find myself trying everything—trying the new coffee shop, the grocery store, the barre class and experiencing a newfound permission to make mistakes and to try again. 

Moving has opened my eyes to the opportunities that abound when we are made to feel uncomfortable. The feeling is similar to traveling to a new city, where every corner is a new niche to be explored and every person is a potential new friend. There’s a certain magic to it. 

Moving has necessitated a daily presence, a slowing down, and a spirit of being so present to the current moment so as not to miss any surprises this new place has to offer. 

The essentials of a new space

Eventually, yes, I will find “my spots.” And eventually, yes, I hope I will find “my people.” But throughout this process, I hope I do not lose the expectant hope that a new opportunity, a new spot, or a new friend is around the corner. 

This portal of moving also seems to fall within a much bigger portal, in my life and in my relationship. I wish I had the words to accurately describe this shifting identify of mine, but I find myself listening to and leaning on the words of older women—my mom, my aunts, my mentors, the women in Anne Helen Petersen’s piece—to provide language and support to this experience. 

Like with moving, I will have much more information in the next six months, next year. This portal that I am in life-wise feels less like a doorway and more a hallway. Throughout, I hope to continue to allow myself the freedom to explore, to make mistakes, and to discover the magic of this new chapter. 

Isabella’s 5 Favorite Things

• The Lives We Actually Have by Kate Bowler - Moving is messy, and it is not easy to sit in the mess (literal and emotional). Kate Bowler inspires me daily by her willingness to live in the mess, beautifully and humbly. She has written several books, and all of them are great. The Lives We Actually Have is a book of daily blessings for all different types of days.

• LTK - Moving into a new space means having a blank canvas to decorate. I have found LTK a great resource (both website and app) to explore others' interior design ideas and know where to shop. 

• Pottery Barn Outlet (Memphis, TN) - If you are ever in Memphis, be sure to visit the Pottery Barn Outlet. It makes for a great treasure hunt for home goods (even if you can only find 3 matching cereal bowls on sale). 

• Olukai Slippers- I received a pair of Olukai slippers for Christmas this past December, and "comfort" has forever been redefined.

• Good for a Girl by Lauren Fleshman - For the last ten years, running has been an outlet for me, and in the midst of a lot of change, running has encouraged me to explore my new neighborhood, carve out time for myself, and breathe. This book is a powerful testament to the love of a sport, but also the love of our bodies. 

From the portal, 

Isabella 

P.S. Have you been through a transition that still resonates with you? What helped you work your way through to the other side?