Letter 131: Choosing the Other Path
Letter 131: Choosing the Other Path
When we move a new direction
I found today’s incredible writer, Amy, from Substack notes. Someone posted a note about her beautiful piece detailing her Ozempic journey and linked her essay. Amy’s words stopped me in my tracks. I read and re-read certain sections. Her vulnerability and willingness to share such depth and honesty were awe-inspiring, and I immediately felt the liberation and power. Here was a woman who listened to what her body needed most and chose accordingly. I immediately contacted Amy and asked her to write a piece for TLC about her experiences, and she shares her story below. I’m sure Amy’s impactful honesty will stay with you just as it has with me. —Molly
(Do note that Amy’s letter references eating disorders, weight loss drugs, and diet culture.)
"It's not a dream body if it's a nightmare to maintain."
Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder, and went to an outpatient facility for treatment. Months after leaving, I started binging again. When I asked the doctor at my annual physical if I was at an unhealthy weight, he responded by asking if I was happy. I wasn’t. He gave me the card for a weight loss clinic.
During my first visit to the clinic, I was given a meal plan (diet), and a prescription for a medication that would curb my desire to binge. The combination of these factors would be my ticket to losing weight (they were), therefore to happiness (they weren’t).
I was the perfect patient: My appetite was suppressed by the medication, and I followed that meal plan to a T — eating so many carrots and so much lettuce that I felt like a freaking bunny rabbit. Honestly, it was miserable. Did I lose weight? Yes — sixty pounds in nine months. Was I happy? Of course not.
In 2021, I was four years into maintaining my weight when my medication was discontinued, so the doctor suggested I switch to a new one: Ozempic.
Unlike my previous medication, which curbed my appetite, Ozempic eliminated it completely. I wouldn’t eat breakfast until noon or 2:00PM, at which point, I’d get full after a few bites. And I didn’t desire so much as a snack in the five hours before dinner. Rarely did I finish my plate then, either. Not wanting to admit something was off, I ignored the situation for two years.
When I finally told my doctor I was barely eating two meals a day, she didn’t share my concern.
“Shouldn’t I at least be having three meals a day?” I asked.
She shrugged. “If you want to.”
Ummm…what?
The encouragement to eat as little as possible for the sake of being thin didn’t sit well with me. I’d changed physically, but one thing remained the same: I still wanted to enjoy food. But because of the Ozempic, these desires were blocked — physically. Emotionally, however — that was another story, best exemplified at my favorite restaurant one evening — the jealousy of everyone’s delicious entrees overwhelming me while I SOBBED into my steamed chicken and vegetables. Oh, well — at least I’m thin now!
Eventually, I came to my senses and realized I didn’t want to live a life devoid of food joy. Although I was too scared to go off Ozempic, I began working with a nutritionist who practiced an approach similar to the one I learned about in treatment. My first step was to ease into more liberal food choices, so I started with a Twix bar. The thrill!
This could be the universe’s way of telling me it’s time to stop.
Around this time, Ozempic was all over the zeitgeist, which led to a shortage. My nutritionist and I discussed it: This could be the universe’s way of telling me it’s time to stop. And so, with a lot of fear, I did.
Slowly (not that slowly), the weight came back. I felt self-conscious about what people thought, but reminded myself it was nobody’s business. Actually, I was healthier now than I was in my smaller body, when I was barely nourishing myself.
Through working with my nutritionist, I started eating in a way that was physically and mentally healthy for me - meaning I got in the proper nutrients, while eating things that gave me the food joy I’d been missing (ice cream, a burger with a bun!). And because I wasn’t being so restrictive, I didn’t feel the need to binge.
I recently listened to a podcast on body acceptance. The host suggested deleting accounts from social media that make you feel thinner is better. I deleted so many accounts that Instagram thought I was a bot and blocked me for four days. When I finally got back on — wow! Different body types! Unfiltered photos! People eating cheeseburgers in bikinis like: IDGAF! I wanted that! I wanted to spend time living - not worrying about my body.
I’ve realized, through this journey, there truly are people who believe, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” And what I’ve learned is — I just don’t subscribe to that philosophy.
Amy discusses body image and pop culture in her Substack, Uncle Ronnie. If you'd like to be a special guest on her Subtack, feel free to answer The BodyPop Questionnaire — a quick n' dirty series of questions that are "a little body image, a little pop culture," and your answers will be featured in a post! Amy also loves connecting with people, so feel free to say hi at amyaliazzo@gmail.com!
For those of you interested in reading Amy’s original, incredible essay — how I found her months ago — please click here.
Amy’s 5 Favorites
Pet Accessory: An "Adidas" dog tracksuit. Any time I walk my pup in this outfit, multiple people stop us on the street because it's SO cute!
Here’s a similar one from Amazon but for dogs of all sizes.
TV Show: I'm currently binging Couples Therapy, a FASCINATING docuseries in its fourth season where real-life couples discuss their issues with a psychologist. We also see the psychologist discuss treatment plans with her clinical supervisor.
Trader Joe's Item: Volpi Rotini Singles. This is a different spin on string cheese because it's a stick of mozzarella with a piece of prosciutto wrapped around it, which jazzes it up a bit. Find it in the refrigerator section near all of the cheeses, or locate them through this website.
Social Media Account: @mickmicknyc (New York Mickey) is a light and frothy TikTok account run by a photojournalist who shares filmmaking goings-on in New York City: celebs arriving for appearances on talk shows, the cast of And Just Like That filming on the streets, etc.!
Loungewear Staple: Sunday Forever's Sleepwalker Gown. I wear this little number NON-STOP around the house, especially during the summer, when I can also wear it to run errands - it's that cute! It's a little pricey, but totally worth it because it'll last forever!
In gratitude,
Amy Aliazzo
P.S. Mary Alexander shares about her powerful, expansive journey with her body and food in Letter 38.
